So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He shit in the fireplace
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
