They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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