I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
