You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
