And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
