i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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