The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
