So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize