walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
