I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
