He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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