please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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