listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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