too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
dude. I can hear the air.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
