in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
