he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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