I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
