my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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