Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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