He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you never un-have a 4some
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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