I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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