I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
