I faked an abortion last night.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
