Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Are my feet made of real feet?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
