Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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