Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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