1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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