It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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