Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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