I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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