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• (574): View more from Indiana

  apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"

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• (312): View more from Illinois

  kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?

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• (212): View more from New York

  I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I think my nap took me to another dimension

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do

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• (559): View more from California

  I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy

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