$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
we're so committed to being not committed
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
