we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
