I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She needs sedatives and a leash
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
