just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
