His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My ass is underappreciated
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
