He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
