Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
