Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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