i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
