She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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