he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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