Cold hands, warm shart.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
