Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
not ubering you a puppy
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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