what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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