So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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