i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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