i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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