in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
