I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
