If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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