i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
