why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
