I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
