playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
