can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
