OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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