The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
