I skipped work to stalk him.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
