Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
