Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
