I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize