The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
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