rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
