SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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