Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
